I Love You But I am Afraid To Say It
by miffy92
Summary: Ziva's leaving and It's now or never for Tony...TIVA. Sequel will follow soon...will be named Preciuos.


Ziva David stood in the office of the director as he spoke the words "Your liaison position has been terminated…" and the rest of the speech was nothing but a buzz in her ears. This was not what she expected when the director had called her to his office, but it had happened.

She could not leave the people that had become her surrogate family over the two years. They loved her unconditionally for who she was not for the things she accomplished unlike her father who loved her achievements more than her. Gibbs her surrogate father, Tim and Abby her surrogate siblings and Ducky her loving grandfather. She, however, didn't know how to categorise Tony, he was annoying, immature, a movie bluff and an ex-playboy. All the former reasons why she loved him and the latter was the reason why she had been denying her love for him.

Ziva stood and looked around her almost empty apartment. Boxes stacked up everywhere, her kitchen almost empty; her wardrobe contained little clothing that she needed for work for the next day. She made her way to the kitchen, opening the fridge and retrieving a lone bottle of beer. She stared at it, as if it the beer was the cause for her current state before taking a swig out of it. She had to face everyone tomorrow and tell them that she would no longer be part of their team.

When Ziva had walked in the next morning she had four pair eyes looking her intently. Of course Gibbs must have told them, Abby was really good at coercing things out of Gibbs; especially when she knew his mood. He had been beyond pissed yesterday. Once Abby knows something everybody knows.

"I wanted to say goodbye…"

"You wanted to huh? When were you going to tell us Ziva? When you get to Israel?"

"Abby please…I did not need to come in today, but I did. You have all become my family, I would never leave without saying goodbye" she said with a saddened voice. She really didn't want to go. Abby sighed before moving forward to hug her, it was true that she hadn't liked Ziva at first but now she loved her like her own flesh and blood.

"Come back Ziva, please. You should know that we all love you" Abby whispered, her mascara strained tears made their way down her cheeks landing on Ziva's white shirt; a tear drop of memories.

Ducky made his way towards her engulfing her in loving grandfatherly hug. "Take care my dear. Hope to seeing you soon" Ziva nodded her head and whispered back "I wish I did not have to leave" Ducky smiled before placing a loving kiss on her cheek.

McGee was next; he smiled at her before giving her a hug "Come back soon Ziva. Tony won't survive without you" Ziva pulled back giving him a furrowed eyebrow look to which he winked at with a smile.

"So you are leaving huh?" Tony asked as he walked towards her desk.

"Yes, Yes I am"

"It was good to know you Officer David" Tony said before he placed a kiss to her cheek, something she did not expect.

"Likewise" Ziva replied, slightly smiling.

"Goodbyes done…now get your asses back to work" Gibbs growled from his seat. Ducky and Abby almost ran to the elevator while Tony and McGee scrambled to their respective desks. "David, keep in contact" Ziva smiled and nodded.

She looked around the bullpen that had been her workplace and where her relationship grew stronger with each member. She took a deep breath before making her way to the elevator; but she was sure that Tony had been watching her exit because she felt his eyes on her. She was still a spy.

* * *

Tony flopped down o the couch tiredly; she was leaving the next. Ziva was beautiful, smart, and feisty and didn't take any of his crap. She had kept him place when he broke down after Jeanne. He needed her in his life. Too late now, she was leaving the next day _smooth move Dinozzo, wait until she tells you she's leaving when you finally realise that you …you love her._ "Damn it" he said before grabbing his car keys and running out of the apartment.

* * *

Ziva sat on her couch watching dew drops form on her once cold beer. The drops kind of represented her life, a dew drop can be seen as a person, some one she loved slipping away before she grasp them, Tali, Tony…Ari. She sighed finally taking a swig out of the almost empty bottle. She heard a screech, a thud and a beep, the sound of footstep and then a knock on her door.

"What are you doing here" she asked in a surprised tone as she opened the door.

"Come in would be nice" he said jokingly. Ziva let him in and closed the door behind her. What was Tony doing here?

"So you are leaving tomorrow huh?" Tony asked a tone she couldn't quiet decipher.

"Yes Tony. You asked me the same thing this morning." she said smiling.

"Before you go, there is something I need to know…are you" Tony was cut off by Ziva's ringing phone. She looked at Tony with an apologising smile and answered the phone.

"Shalom" she answered as the caller ID showed her father, Deputy Director Eli David. "Yes, I am flying tomorrow, of course" Ziva reassured her father. "Will you be there to pick me up father…yes of course I understand" she said in a sad tone. "Michael is coming to pick me up, Okay father. Shalom"

"As I was saying" Tony continued. "You are coming back right?"

"I do not know, I think he wants me back for missions…deep undercover missions"

"Oh…right. Okay, here goes…I have never done this before. I am not just saying this because you are leaving…I am telling you this because I think the big guy up there has just decided kick my stubborn ass seeing as this is the only chance I will ever get."

He felt Ziva's hand on his shoulder. "Tony what are you talking about?"

"I am talking about the fact that you are the only woman who takes my crap, you were there to haul me up when I broke down after Jeanne. I…I need you in my life Ziva"

"What are you saying?" she asked coyly.

"Damn it Ziva, do I need to spell it out for you?" He moved a little closer to her, looking into her dark brown eyes "I am falling in love with you…hell I don't think I am falling anymore; I think I've dropped down…way down"

She slapped him on the back head; hard "You are telling me this now you ASS, you could have not told me all this time we have been working together. What about yesterday or maybe the day before that. You had to tell me when I am leaving _tomorrow_" she asked angrily but she was dancing with joy inside. Her heart was fluttering around like a new born butterfly; her heart had never fluttered with so much joy.

"I was afraid, afraid of what you'd say!" he replied confused at her reaction.

"You thought I was going to kill you…you know what Tony I feel like killing you NOW…" she sighed before continuing "…Are you waiting for Gibbs to walk in and tell you to kiss me?" She asked her head cocked to the side waiting for him to make his move.

Ziva's eyes moved from his eyes to his lips. He smiled before he rested his hands on her hips. He placed his lips on hers, moving it slowly and purposely. Ziva's hands tangled in his hair. The moment dragged on forever, the world around them seemed to spin as they stood in her living room kissing like theirs no tomorrow. Their problems forgotten, wanting to live in this moment. This was a moment they were going to truly cherish no matter what. The only thing stopping them form the moment was the need for oxygen. They pulled apart their foreheads resting on each others.

"Wow…" Ziva breathed followed by laughter from Tony. "Let's do that again" Ziva said with a grin, she had completely forgotten that she'll be leaving him behind. This time she had her legs wrapped around his waist as he carried her into the bedroom. Where clothes had come off, every inch of their bodies were explored and love was shared with whispers of sweeter nothings.

"Thank you for making it a night I will never forget" Ziva whispered into his shoulder.

"I aim to please Ziva and I am glad you are pleased" they shared a loving kiss once more before falling into a deep slumber.

It was around zero one hundred when Tony felt a pair of eyes watching him. "You are staring" he said rolling over to face her.

"I do not want to leave" Ziva said as she moved to lie on Tony's chest.

"You don't have to" Tony replied, with a soft kiss on Ziva's forehead.

"I cannot disobey my father Tony"

"I really am going to miss you David" Tony said.

"I love you" she said; these words she never thought she would speak out to a man and yet here she was lying next to a man who loved her unconditionally and whispering her love for him. Just then it hit Tony that Ziva never actually said what she was feeling for him; all he got was a slap up the head and an order to kiss. He took her hands in his; placing a gentle kiss on it before whispering the same words back to her.

* * *

Ziva stood in her father's office demanding an explanation for why she was asked to return.

"It is time you return home, where your belong Officer David. America is not your home; you were merely there for the purpose of strengthening Israeli ties with America. You have no purpose there; not anymore"

"Is that all I am to you, a thing? You have never once addressed me as your daughter Ziva, always as officer. Since the age of eight I have done everything and anything to please you. Did you ever once think to ask what I wanted?"

"America has made you soft…I made you an exceptional officer of Mossad, everyone looks up to you Ziva"

"It is not what I wanted, it is what you wanted. Your personal soldier" she challenged him back.

"You wanted to be a dancer!" he shouted back in anger.

"What is wrong with that? I walked out on the people that I have come to love, the people who love me unconditionally unlike you who only look's at prestige and achievements" she snarled back at him. She was rewarded with a slap; she gave out a bitter laugh. "The truth always hurts".

"You want to go back to those Americans. Go, leave. I am ashamed to say that I even called you my daughter" Eli spat the words bitterly at her.

"You have never called me your daughter" Ziva said before walking out of the office. She didn't know whether she should shed tears or be happy.

* * *

Tony looked around his apartment it looked like teenage kid's room. Empty pizza boxes everywhere, discarded beer bottles, clothes, work files; he groaned to himself. He hated cleaning and not to mention the fact that he was feeling little dizzy by drinking a little too much beer and lack of proper sleep. He waved a hand at all the mess telling himself he'll clean it later, he walked toward the couch thinking of taking a nice nap when the door bell rang. He ignored who ever it was will just have to come back later. The door bell stopped ringing and he finally fell asleep with a content smile on his face.

When he woke up the first thing he smelled was his lemon fresh cleaner that he hardly used, the smell was followed by smell of cooking. He wasn't sure where he was when he woke to find his apartment clean as it's ever been. _Was he dreaming!_ He pinched himself, no; it hurt too much to be a dream. He bit his lips and furrowed his eyebrows when he heard singing coming from the kitchen, it was a beautiful and melodious voice. He stood at the threshold of the kitchen gawking at the woman who was standing near the cooker stirring. The figure turned around and smiled at him.

"Shalom Tony, Did you sleep well?" he rubbed his eyes real hard, blinked a couple of times before nodding his head. She smiled again. "You really need a personal maid Tony, you're apartment was a disaster"

"Wh…wh…what are you doin here? You are supposed to be in Israel."

"Now I am back."

"How? Your father's an asshole." She gave an annoyed sigh.

"He is more than that he is a pig, a bastard among other thing. Now will you shut up and kiss me" he grinned before moving towards her and kissed her hungrily, she was gone for two whole freaking weeks. "Do I always have to tell you to kiss me?"

"No I just…this is not dream is it?" he asked still not sure about his current situation.

"Tony, if you were dreaming…the dreams are likely to be very explicit" she said smirking. "Are you hungry?"

"Yes…not for food" he kissed her once more, more slowly and lovingly this time. "For you" he mumbled before carrying her over his shoulder, while she threatened to dismember him.

The though of dismemberment had left her mind as they lay tangled in sheets and limbs, the shrill of phone woke Ziva from her peaceful slumber.

"Shalom"

"Ziva what are you doing back and why are you answering Dinozzo's phone?" came the gruff voice of Gibbs. _Oh shit!_

**I will be doing a sequel for this soon…It will be named 'Precious' so look out for it.**

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW…**


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